My last posting was in August, 2010. I am not sure where I am right now. I am lost, that is for sure. I have looked for answers from my friends, guidance but the truth is, I am the one with the answer even though my answer, is no solution at all.
I know I am isolating myself without meaning to because of this adventure I decided to enter. It was supposed to be fun and temporary and inconsequential but it turned out to serious and permanent. I guess, we do not think of the consequences until it is to late. A lot of people can get hurt and some people will get hurt no matter what.
I am divided between the guilty this is bringing me and the pleasure I feel by living this adventure. When did life become so complicated? I was once this 16 year old with all these plans and dreams and strengths. I though I could do anything. I am 50 years old and I have accomplished nothing of what I thought I would do. As a matter of fact, I have done all that I had swore I was not going to do. I am married with a man who has a horrible temper, I have two children I am sure I did not do the best job raising and no career to account for.
I know what I have and want to do but the time is not here yet and so, I move on trying to make the best of what I have right now until the sun rises on the day I will be able to set me free.
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