The freedom to be

When I left my house last night, I did not want to come back. After 25 years of marriage my relationship is getting more and more difficult and cold. I left without wanting to go anywhere. I just want to be far from him and the disagreement. Going out, it turned out, was a good thing. It cleared my head and made me realize a couple of things. As time passes and our relationship becomes more and more difficult, I feel less and less tied to a marriage I once wanted with all my heart. The same way, the fact that my children are growing, with one of them already completely independent, is slowly but surely releasing me from the responsibilities of parenthood. What will hold me down after both my children are independent? nothing, I suppose.

Yesterday, if it wasn't for my 15 year old son still at home, I could have driven all the way to Florida and spend a couple of days with my friend Katia. From there I could fly to Angola and stay a couple of weeks with my sister. I could even get a job there and stay which would make her very happy. I could go back to Brazil and start taking care of my mom who will need someone living with her in a couple of years. So, if you give up the status quo, the cars, the house, the clothes and cell phones and all that ties you down, you can live a pretty free life. Maybe not a comfortable life by the American standards but a life where you can have enough to live a good life. As time goes by, things get clearer and in place in my head. Now I know I am not here to stay. I just don't know when I am leaving.......